Flash Fiction-- "Burden"

Burden


I love my brother but I hate my brother.

When I was five years old, he was born. All my parents could think about was him. “Oh, isn’t Alex beautiful? Isn’t Alex precious?” I remember the first time I laid eyes on him. I stuck my head in the bassinette and all I could think was, “Hmph. Nothing beautiful and precious to look at here. Just a ball of noise that does nothing but cry, mess his diaper and take my parents’ attention away from me.”

Before I knew it, he was five years old and God, he followed me around everywhere. When I tried to go to my room to escape inside a book, he’d follow me and ask, “What are you doing?”

I’d always answer him the same way. “Nothing you little twerp. Leave me alone.”

He’d always look at me and smile before he left the room. “You know I love you, right Sissy?” I’d just roll my eyes and dismiss him.

Five years later, I had a boyfriend over to watch a movie with. I remember snuggling close to him on the couch and thinking how much in love I was. He turned and looked at me. I closed my eyes and prepared for my first real kiss when all of a sudden I felt something suddenly hit the side of my face and drench my hair. I pulled the remains of a water balloon from the sleeve of my blouse. I looked up and saw my brother just laughing his little ass off. I flew from the couch and chased Alex around the house. “I’m going to kill you, you little twerp!” I screamed after him.

He just laughed and laughed, even daring to turn around once or twice and say, “Aww, you know I love you, right Sissy?”

When I turned eighteen, I was packing and getting ready to move away from college. I was scared of leaving home for the first time but excited about the unknown. I was about to get into the car with my father and remembered thinking, “Where’s Alex?” I heard the unmistakable sounds of a basketball hitting the pavement so I looked up and saw my brother and one of his friends tossing the basketball back and forth to each other. My father called to him. “You’re sister’s leaving. You probably won’t get to see her until Christmas, you know so you better say goodbye.”

Alex glanced up briefly before returning to his game. “Goodbye sissy.” Then rolling his eyes, he smiled the smile of a devilish little brother and said , “You know I love you, right Sissy?”

I waved like I always did. “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

I went to college, got my degree but moved back home for a short time until I got a job. One night I was sitting in the living room with Mom watching television. It was really quiet without Alex in the house. To tell you the truth, I hadn’t seen much of him at all since I’d been home. He was always out running with his friends, friends who from Mom’s description, weren’t the kind of friends she wanted to see him with. The phone rang and my mother went to answer it. I watched her as she listened to whoever was on the other end. Her face turned white and she began to shake. I mouthed, “What is it? What’s wrong?”

She hung up the phone and turned to me. “There’s been an accident. Your brother is in the hospital. They’re not sure if he’s going to make it.”

Well, he did make it but life changed drastically for my brother and for all of us. He was rendered completely helpless by the accident, a quadriplegic. We had to do everything for him: feed him, bathe him, change his diapers. It completely wore both of my parents out. They lived for him and him alone with no break in sight.

One night about a year later, I managed to talk them into taking a night off. I assured them I’d be there to take care of Alex so they didn’t need to worry about a thing. I was sitting in my usual seat beside his bed reading a book like I always did when I heard Alex whisper. “Sissy?”

I put down my book. “Yes Alex, what do you need?”

He whispered again. “Come closer, Sissy, so I can look you in the eye.”

I stood up and bent down close to his face. “I’m right here, Alex. What is it?”

A tear rolled down his cheek. “Sissy? I need you to do something for me.”

“Anything Alex, what is it?”

“Sissy, I can’t stand being a burden to you all anymore. I want you to help me die. Please?”

I was absolutely horror stricken at what he was asking me to do. “Alex, I can’t do that. You can’t ask me to do that.”

“But you’re my sister, You’re the only friend I have left. “

I shook my head and left the room. There was no way I could do that. No way on earth.

Mom and Dad began to take more nights off after that and every time they’d leave, Alex would ask me the same thing and every time I’d say no, but just a little bit more reluctantly each time because of how much pain he was in. One night, after a great deal of painful thought, I decided to do this, this one thing for my brother. Before I injected the poison into the feeding tube, I asked him. “Are you sure you want me to do this?”

He answered, “As sure as sure can be.” He smiled one last time. “You know I love you Sissy, right?”

I love my brother but I hate my brother.